Russians Developing Mind-Control Ray

You’re not mistaking the date – it is indeed April 5th, four days after April Fool’s Day. Current Russian Prime Minister and President-elect Vladimir Putin talked up Russia’s newest energy weapon, which is reportedly capable of dishing rays that cause extreme pain and make the subject susceptible to suggestions and commands. The burning sensation caused by the weapon’s rays doesn’t seem all that different from the microwave rays the U.S. has used, but mind control? As far as I know, we’re not quite there yet.

I wish this news scared me. I wish I was just like any other person and was terrified of the thought of a Russian-controlled zombie army, but I’m just way too excited. Zombies! Mind control! This is all fantastic news. Forget that Red Dawn remake about North Korea, I want to see Charlie Sheen fighting zombie Ruskies in Red Dawn 2.

via Gizmodo

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