I’m a Star Wars fanatic. My love for the series runs deep. I adore the original trilogy, love the expanded universe, and, on occasion, tolerate the prequels. So when it comes to material possessions, I prefer that as many as possible be Star Wars themed. But let’s be honest with ourselves: not everything serves a purpose, does it? With the vast amounts of Star Wars merchandise – over 30 years worth of merchandise, mind you – there have to be a few pieces of crap, right?

There are loads of awesome Star Wars gifts. Toy lightsabers are always a safe bet for the young ones. ThinkGeek’s Tauntaun sleeping bag is probably the coolest thing you could ever take a snooze in. I’ve seen lightsaber chop sticks, which would make any meal magical, as well as Darth Vader slippers, which would let everyone know you’re not someone to be messed with, all the while keeping your feet nice and toasty. Unfortunately, they can’t all be winners. Here are five totally awesome but incredibly useless Star Wars gifts.

Star Wars Interactive R2-D2

Wow, a semi-functional astromech droid for only $119 USD? Sign me right up! This R2 unit is built ready to obey your commands, but he only understands about forty of them, so I don’t think he’s going to be much help overthrowing the empire. But hey, when he’s in game mode, he can play music and dance! I’m sure that’ll cheer up all the grieving rebel widows. Let’s hope one of those forty commands is “roll over to Amazon and get me my money back.”

Star Wars Plush

ThinkGeek has some pretty cool stuff, like the sleeping bag I mentioned above, but then it also has stuff like this. The best part of these Star Wars plushies is the variety of characters available and how some of them make sense to cuddle with while others couldn’t be more ridiculous. Chewbacca? Yeah, he’ll keep you safe at night. Yoda is pretty cute and Jawas, they got that pygmy thing going for them. Sleeping with R2-D2 would be like sleeping with a trash can, and having either Boba Fett or Darth Vader in your bed would just be asking for a quick death. Why can’t you just go to Build-a-Bear like everyone else?

Boba Fett Electronic Helmet

If this were for Halloween, scratch that “useless” from the title of the article. But something tells me that this Boba Fett helmet is purchased all year round. You don’t even have to talk, as the helmet will spout our phrases for you. Different phrases will be played depending on whether the antenna is up or down. I’m assuming that when it’s down, one of the phrases is “I’m not getting any reception, I need to put my antenna up.” For just $39.95 USD, you can ensure that nobody takes you even remotely seriously.

Star Wars Blueprints: The Ultimate Collection

Most people have trouble piecing together furniture from Ikea, so how they’re going to build a Death Star is completely beyond me. I’m not even convinced actual blueprints serve a purpose, let alone blueprints for technology from a galaxy far, far away. “Hey Mark, my hyper drive system is acting up on the ole YT-1300, can you grab me that blueprint over there? Oh, yep, here’s my problem right here: I’m living in a fantasy world.”

C-3PO Santa Bobblehead

Come on now, this one isn’t even cool. At least the rest of the stuff on this list has some sort of nostalgic factor, but when the hell did C-3PO dress up like Santa Claus? Why is Santa Claus even exist in the Star Wars universe? He doesn’t, and this stupid thing shouldn’t exist in your house.

Share This With The World!