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By the time you read this, I will be drugged and trapped in the dentist's chair getting a root canal. Do I know how to party or what? Yeah, I know. I'm trying to convince myself, but it doesn't seem to be working. Let this be a lesson to all of you who do not regularly go to the dentist (I went more than 15 years between visits): It will catch up to you. And they're way less awful than they used to be, which was a pleasant surprise for me. Where I go, the chairs massage your back to help reduce stress, and they have a poster in the lobby saying they cater to cowards. Which would be me. I even have plans to go back in six months for a cleaning like I'm supposed to.

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